Do This If You Want To Win Someone (Life Changing Tips By Billionaires)
This Is Why World’s Greatest Leaders Accept Their Mistakes Publicly
“My big failure came in 1982, when I bet everything on a depression that never came. The markets were very turbulent and I believed that the U.S. economy — with the world economy tied to it — was headed into a crisis.
This was an extremely controversial view. I took a big risk and traded accordingly. But I was dead wrong.”
These are Ray Dalio’s words, the co-chief investment officer of Bridgewater Associates, world’s largest hedge fund, about the time he was abysmally wrong about his prediction of a imminent US stock market crash in 1982 almost leading to bankruptcy and firing of all his employees, leaving just one, himself.
The lesson that’s important for us for does not lie in the specifics per se, but in a pattern that I have seen amongst the greatest leaders around the world.
They admit their mistakes loud and publicly.
This is not specific to any domain or sector and rather is one of the ubiquitous commonalities of the most successful men of history.
The reality lies in the truth that most of them have implicitly figured out the principles that Dale Carnegie wrote in his How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936 and are a picture perfect example cases of the most meticulous users of Carnegie’s principles.
Here are the 7 principles according to me, that the greatest men of antiquity and the contemporary world use to be the most admired person where ever they happen to be in the world and life:
- Smile and Articulate Their Name.
Smiling, might sound trite to you. I will have to agree that over the years, imprudent and insincere use of smiles have exacerbated the situation of people thinking twice before trusting someone who vacuously passes smiles. But the good part of this according to me, is that, the pandemic has given a second chance to the lost glory of smiles.
More than two years of masking ourselves scrupulously, naturally, our mind has a tendency to value someone’s face’s hidden aspects much more than before.
The caveat that still remains is that no one likes a glib and ingenuine smile. It’s probably the opposite that we should be doing, smiling like a baby. But Arpit, aren’t babies stupid? And shouldn’t we protect our true expression of emotions only for the closest relationships in this soul hungry world?
I understand you my philosophical chimp, but, I think these claims are bogus and nonsensical. And if you happen to believe that you have to act like a tuff guy all the time to impress the hot girl who lives on the third floor, then, it’s time you revaluate your values. Your self-worth should be based on your actions, behaviors, and alacrity to empathize with the others, not on what others think about you or do to you.
A genuine smile according to me is still as valuable as gold and probably even more valuable just because of the number of ersatz and fake smiles that have been circulating throughout the world, just to cajole and coax each other into doing things for selfish purposes.
A warm and welcoming smile is actually not an ordeal. All it needs is an acceptance that person you are giving it to is worth it and this relationship is more than just give and take of favors.
Well, to further solidify your relationships you might as well use the one’s name often as well.
Yeah, there is all that neurological connections and recalls and stuff, but, just think pragmatically. When you hear your name in a crowded place, don’t you look around in the direction of the voice?
The simple wizardry is that is hooks the other person’s attention to the conversation by making it sound more personally crafted for them, even though you might be just talking about how your dog eats his own produce.
Here is a good example of how Tom Cruise uses both of these principles in his conduct lavishly ,explained by our friends at Charisma on Command on Youtube:
2. Make Them Feel Important By Being Genuinely Interested.
I would like you to do an experiment. Choose a person who is usually gregarious and talkative and the next time you go to him or her, abstain from talking about anything that he or she usually talks about. If its about golf, replace it with how much you like soccer, if it’s about cooking, supplant it by how much you like to eat outside.
Please don’t do this in a haughty or supercilious manner and get your friendship ruined. Rather, be subtle and glib. Make your observations and, then, skip a few days in between your next conversation.
Now, do the opposite. Talk about what they like talking. Speak their language. Intimate them that you are interested in hearing more from them.
If you’d juxtapose both of the situations, you’d most likely observe that when you clearly seemed interested in what the other person is interested in, then, you actually made him or her feel important and desirable. And when you tried to obfuscate their interests and enforced what you had a heart in, you would generally see that their interest plummets and ebbs down. Soon, they reach to the , “hmm….hmm” phase.
The message is simple. Let the other person speak. Encourage them to talk about themselves. Talk about their life, accomplishments and accolades.
The way to someone liking you is usually not through a portrayal of how desirable, intelligent, interesting and all rounder you are and more often than not, you end giving them inferiority complex with such cut and dried introductions. Rather, it’s about how well you make them feel about themselves.
Don’t act nonchalant around people. Be genuinely interested in them.
Pictorially, it’s like adding a few glasses of ego in their container. Let them swim.
3. If You Are Wrong Then Quickly Admit It.
Let’s be honest. Admitting that you are wrong can be painstaking at times. That’s why even nations fight. They just can’t let go off their vanity and autocracy.
But again, when something is really scarce, it naturally becomes valuable. That’s what world’s biggest CEOs and leaders have been doing because they long understood the fact of how much of sentient and visceral impact does accepting a self-obliterating mistake in public has on the perception of people about them. It pays to be anti-obstinate.
Not only does accepting your mistake emphatically instantly bolsters up your sincerity but it also subconsciously pacifies the impending attack to an extent that if done right, then, the attacker itself, starts sympathizing with you.
Warren Buffet since 1962 has always been extremely open about his mistakes and how much money Berkshire Hathaway, mutual fund started by Buffet and Munger lost because of his imprudence and lack of tenacity(though I think he is just too modest).
Instead of losing faith, people rather embraced him for his transparency and till date flock in numbers of tens of thousands to just hear him speak in the Berkshire’s annual meeting once a year. Paradoxically, he has been one of the most trusted person in the financial markets living up to his reputation for decades.
All because of his modesty and the promptness to accept his mistakes.
4. Never end up in an argument.
I am probably the most guilty of this. I have had myriad of vacuous and pointless altercations throughout my life which did nothing more than ruining my day. And if you too, generally, find yourself in such situations, then, it’s time you make a change too.
Altercations and arguments are useless. They just sap energy and time. They take away a potential happy day from us. And ask yourself, that, even if you win an argument, how long do the victory trumpets last?
The point is that, we all are social beings and since the dawn of humanity our existence has not been solitary. That’s why you’d see kids even after they get bullied in a group, they still return to it because of the sense of community it provides.
Even if you win an argument, you have the possibility of ruining the relationship with the other person forever. And the worse part is that, the enmity might bite you later on if somehow you both cross paths again. And honestly, it’s good to view a situation from multiple perspectives. It gives you time to think and space for your emotions to vent out.
It’s okay to have healthy fights. They bond us with each other. Make us more comfortable with each other. Just don’t pick a fight on every other triviality and burn people’s ego in an incendiary to protect your point.
Not worth it.
5. Let The Other Person Feel That The Idea Was Their.
This alone is probably the most efficacious management principle out there. It almost works intuitively. Think about it.
To a parent their child is the world to them and they go to all extents to feed and nurture it. Similarly, skillfully placing your own idea within else’s head would make them feel like a “parent” to your idea. Naturally, making them more meticulous and responsible towards it.
Pictorially, it’s like a cuckoo bird laying an egg in someone else’s nest.
But, how do you “place your own idea inside someone’s head”? That sounds like “Inception” sort of shit but is actually quite executable.
Never blatantly call the thing out with your mouth. Rather indirectly hint towards it and it’s benefits to the other party. It can take a few missed tries as this is not infallible but practice will improve your glibness and skill.
For example, let’s say it’s raining and you want to enjoy the downpour by getting soaked. But, you know that your partner will not be ready to do it. So, instead of arguing with him or her, hint how the rain can benefit them in some or the other way. Make a credible story. Obviously, no grandiloquence. Instead do it in a modest and non-cheesy way otherwise you might blow it up.
Later, if you start to sense that they might be open to the idea of having a rain shower, then just credit them with the implicitly understood idea and how “smart” they are.
The caveat is that if the person has been exposed to behavioral psychology and negotiations, then, one may notice your sorcery all together and you’d come out as manipulative.
So, sprinkle some vigilance.
6. Give Genuine And Specific Praise and Never Besmirch Someone’s Image.
Human beings are innately hungry for two things. Food and appreciation.
The laws of physicality, however, put a cap on the food that one can eat at once, but, appreciation transcends it. It has no boundaries. That’s what makes it so effective. The constant desire for compliments is what makes it so valuable.
Ask yourself, don’t you compulsively like to hang out with people who appreciate you and genuinely compliment your achievements and ways. Similarly, don’t you hate supercilious and pathologically derogatory pedants who just try to look down upon you.
As a rule of thumb, praise openly and specifically, criticize generally.
You can use this tool of appreciation and keep into your armamentarium of principles to really become someone’s favorite, but, of course, the caveat is that, it has to be genuine. I am not telling you to schmooze or cajole or curry favor with people. All of this will just make you look like a sly and devious manipulator. So, be careful with how you use this.
Don’t cross the grey area.
7. It’s Not About You, It’s About Them.
These principles at first might sound a little to much to implement in one go. And neither am I asking you to use all of them at once. A good practice would be to give yourself a few days to tinker around with each principle.
So, you’d have enough time up your sleeves to practice each one individually and hopefully, get better at it.
All in all, it pays well to be cognizant of the notion that nobody is intrinsically interested in you. They are just interested in themselves. You are just a mirror, in which they try to look for themselves. Gauging their own character, achievements, and life.
There is a quote from the 2007 film, “Bucket List”, “You measure yourself by the people who measure themselves by you”.
So, remember that to win someone over, you have to let them feel, that, they won.
Because, it’s not about you, it’s about them.
